Chris and I just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary this summer. Pretty crazy! The years go by so fast. Looking back through photos of our wedding day and our past decade together brings back so many memories, but mostly I’m just thankful for Christopher and the life we share.
As I was reminiscing, I jotted down some notes on marriage and lessons I’ve found to be helpful.
Learn to be selfless (or, learn to think of yourself less)
One of the best books on marriage I’ve read is Tim Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage. Keller notes that everyone has a natural inclination to put our own interests ahead of another’s, but a marriage works best if each spouse puts the other first.
Communicate well
Communicating in a way that edifies and brings out the best in each other takes background information that can take years to develop. An eye-opening realization for Chris and me was taking the Love Languages assessment and knowing the best way we each show and receive love.
Knowing your spouse’s personality type is another helpful tool for understanding what makes them tick. Once Chris and I learned each other’s Myers Briggs types, we could communicate with the other in mind.
Be honest with each other
This falls under communication, but it’s best to be honest with your spouse. Be honest, be kind, and be willing to apologize and mean it. If you’re frustrated, tell them. Of course, there are ways to be honest and kind.
Spend intentional time with each other
Be intentional about your time together. Chris and I love to travel, but that’s not the only time we work on our relationship. In premarital counseling, we were taught to have “shoulder to shoulder” time, or time we spend together. Sometimes that means Chris works while I read in the same room, or we watch a movie together at home. The key is the intention of planning time for each other and with each other.
Call (or text) to say “I love you”
I love getting a random text from Chris saying “I love you.” It’s so sweet and I know he’s thinking about me. Even a simple “Thinking about you” is a welcome interruption in anyone’s day.
Emily Paine Smith 